


Ah Yes, Catholic Guilt

by VioletNight_9



Series: Religious Trauma Verse (Dukexiety) [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, ONLY FOR A SEC, Sick Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, a bit of vauge smut, fuck im trying to remember what i wrote, i hate this, idk im so tired man, mention of drugs, nothing too interesting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:56:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletNight_9/pseuds/VioletNight_9
Summary: Virgil could just tell something was off, but he didn't know what. Then it hits him like a brick- or maybe a really sturdy bible in this context.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Series: Religious Trauma Verse (Dukexiety) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090985
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	Ah Yes, Catholic Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> tw: throwing up, safe-wording, catholic guilt of course, crying (like hysterically)  
> cw: curing, threatening violence (jokingly), Virgil goes on a rant, OOC Remus, Sympathetic Remus
> 
> i hate this story so much but it's all that my useless mind could squeeze out so bone apple tea i guess

Sundays were always fun with Remus. He and Virgil would go to the store, get some sushi and some random treat, then stop by a… _friend’s_ _house; definitely not_ for weed, they’d _never_. The moment they’d get home they’d loose all the uncomfortable layers they would wear out- _like fuck why do gays wear so many layers, shit._ Then they’d eat and see where the night too them; which usually resulted in them curled up in bed at some ungodly hour while stark naked with lingering smoke in the bedroom air. A year of the same routine, and Virgil absolutely couldn't complain. But for some reason tonight… tonight felt _different._

Maybe it was the sushi, maybe it was the missionaries, maybe it was the lack of foreplay, but Virgil couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. That he did something  _ wrong _ . 

* * *

Virgil squirmed under Remus’ touch as he trailed his nails slowly up Virgil's stomach. A churning feeling nested itself in his stomach. 

_ Wait that's not normal. _

Remus’ hand got higher and higher, his fingers tapping against his chest. The feeling in Virgil's stomach moved up to his throat as bubbles bounced erratically in his chest.

_ Should I call it for a second? _

Slowly, the hand moved and wrapped gently around his neck, applying barely any pressure to the blood points; avoiding the windpipe as it has done a hundred times. His stomach boiled and bile rose into his throat.

_ Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck- _

_ “Red!  _ Red! Hold on! Red!” Remus’ hand immediately left his neck and he moved to quickly pull out, rubbing gentle circles into Virgil's moving thighs.

“What's wrong, what do you need, scare bear?” He asked softly, trying to keep up with Virgil. The shorter stood up quickly from the bed and practically ran to the bathroom. He opened the lid of the toilet and sat down in front of it, holding the bowl like it was his lifeline as he spilled the snacks he had had earlier into the water. The gentle fabric of a bath towel wrapped around his shoulders and a rough hand carefully reached over and pushed up his bangs. 

Virgil would have smiled if he wasn't absolutely puking his guts out but the appreciation went unsaid- not that it really  _ had  _ to be said in the first place. Muffled by the ringing in Virgil's ears he could hear Remus softly hushing him. He could feel his fingers running against his scalp and through his hair. A wave of relief washed over him as he  _ finally _ reached the end of his sickness- at least from what he could tell.

Virgil moved the towel and wiped his mouth before using his arm to wipe his eyes, which were absolutely streaming with tears. Remus keeled down and rubbed Virgil's cheek with his thumb, frowning at how hot Virgil's head was and how pale his body had become.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, wiping a tear from Virgil's eye. Virgil nodded slowly and leaned against Remus’ chest.

“I'm okay, just- just got the urge to puke for some reason and uh- yeah,” he muttered awkwardly. 

“Anything specifically go wrong? Was it the choking that got you this time? Anything at all that made you uncomfortable?” Virgil smiled at his boyfriend’s worry and kissed his jawline.

“No, nothing made me uncomfortable. I was having a lot of fun honestly. I don't know what happened, I just… started to feel  _ weird.” _

“Okay, okay I get that. How about we go get you-” Remus paused at the dread in Virgil's eyes, “ _ I _ go get you a snack and some water or- I don't know Gatorade- and then we can talk about whether or not to continue. Is that okay?”

_ “Yes please.” _

They, of course, ended up continuing. Virgil was  _ not _ about to give up a Sunday night for some stupid sick. Even if he still felt strange… 

* * *

He couldn’t stop thinking about it, about what he must have messed up.  _ About what he did. _

So that leads us now, with Virgil staring blankly at the ceiling in his and Remus’ pitch dark room. The silence of the noise-cancelling walls mixed with the lack of the soft whirring of the standing fan made the air suffocating and stale. The light-up stars- a design choice Remus had suggested for nostalgia and absolutely  _ not _ because he was scared if the dark- were faded by now, leaving no light sources aside from the alarm clock on the nightstand.

Virgil just wondered if Remus was awake, feeling a similar dread as he was- or possibly just feeling the absolute anxiety that radiated off of him. An internal debate of whether or not to wake him was quickly shut down by the realization that Remus wasn’t snoring- he  _ always _ snored. Remus shuffled and moved, his skin pulling away from Virgil. He didn’t like how the feeling almost made him sob.

“Remus?” Virgil asked, keeping his head straight and moving his fingers around nervously under the covers. A soft hum from next to him and a shuffle indicated that Remus was now looking at him. “Am I…” Virgil licked his lips and turned his head slightly away from Remus to hide the tears that were pushing against his eyes.

_ “Am I an abomination?”  _ Remus flinched his body around to fully face Virgil making his heart skip and anxiety rise in a way that he  _ knew _ was pointless. Remus reached over and started drawing little circles on Virgil’s chest.

“Of course not! Who told you you were an abomination? I’ll kick their ass.” Remus whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to Virgil’s wet cheek; absentmindedly licking one of his tears. It earned a weak laugh from Virgil which he guesses he can count as a win. 

“Just,” Virgil gulped and turned his face to Remus, “I’ve just been thinking.”

“About?”   
“I… I don’t know…”

“Does this have something to do with you seeing your parents?” Remus asked. Virgil sighed and rolled over fully. He couldn't meet his eyes despite the fact that he knew he had to. “Baby, come on, work with me here.” 

“Yes, okay? Yes it does! It has to do with my parents, with the bible we found when we were cleaning, with the missionaries at the door, with the stupid fucking local church not getting the memo after seeing us high off our ass walking by! I’m so  _ fucking _ tired of it Remus!” Virgil cried, tears falling quickly down his cheeks and his breath speeding up. “I’m tired of feeling dirty for being loved…”

Remus blinked at Virgil for a moment before sitting up and clicking on the table lamp next to him and turning back. He lifted the blankets and put an arm on Virgil's shoulder, pulling him up and to his chest. The taller man held him tightly and rocked them side to side. Virgil sobbed into his shoulder, hanging uselessly against Remus as shakes wracked his body.

“If I see your parents it's on sight,” Remus said, pressing a kiss into Virgil's hair. The smaller let out wet, tired laugh against Remus’ bare chest. He closed his eyes and relaxed into the rocking motions. “Hey, scare bear, look at me for a second,” Virgil glanced up, “I love you, and you are  _ not _ an abomination. Do you understand?” Remus whispered, holding Virgil’s face up and gently wiping away tears. He nodded and leaned into his hand and closed his eyes. 

He still felt bad of course- how could he not- but at least he had Remus. That was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes, welcome back to my depressive episode. for someone who grew up in an atheist household, i surprisingly hate myself a lot for a lot of catholic ideals, but that's not what this episode is about :)
> 
> here's my tumblr, do whatever:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/raindropsduringthesunset


End file.
